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WHEN TO SEEK HELP |
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One bad
grade on a school test doesn't mean you need to make an appointment with a
family counselor. Remember that not all of your kid's problems are going
to be a result of your divorce: one fight at school, an incident of
bedwetting, or one bad school grade isn't necessarily linked directly to
the divorce. These kinds of things happen to any child in any family
situation. So before you start panicking that your child has become
psychologically damaged for life, check your local bookstore or library
for books explaining the development of children. These resources will
help you understand the difference between normal and problematic
behaviors.
Discipline problems are usually what spur parents to
seek professional help for their kids. Discipline problems can stem from
your child's inability to sort out his/her feelings or to adjust to the
divorce -- or it might just mean that your child is lacking good coping
skills. A child's bad behavior can result from fear, hostility, or
insecurity, and it's a sign that your child needs more positive attention.
Children who don't receive positive parental attention try for any kind of
attention, even if it's negative: they would rather misbehave and get
yelled at than not get any attention at all.
Some therapists
assert that any extreme deviation from a child's normal course of behavior
is a sign that he or she has been affected by the divorce. "A parent
should look for extremes in any direction: wild behavior in a quiet child,
or if a sociable child won't come out of his or her room, for example,"
says Dr. Robert Galatzer-Levy, a Chicago-based child and adolescent
psychiatrist.
"Changes is a child's social behavior are often the
best indicators that something is wrong," says Barbara Anderson, a Toronto
therapist and mediator. "For instance, you should be concerned if your
child is suddenly acting out violently; regressing to an earlier stage
such as bedwetting; having problems playing with friends; developing
academic problems; or even experiencing physical problems such as
developing stomach or head aches, sleep problems, or eating disorders."
1 - Emotional injuries
2 - How children may cope
3 - Warning signs
4 - When to seek help
5 - Consider getting help if...
6 - Coping varies from child to child
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